Tiger Woods to Play Exhibition Against Salem State Golf Team

After Tiger Woods went public with his admission of infidelity nearly a month ago, the world never thought possible Woods could do anything ever again nearly as shocking.
They were wrong.

Beginning next fall, Woods will be sending the entire Salem State golf team to the illustrious Torrey Pines golf spectacle in California for a two-week exhibition tournament. 
Woods has gone on record saying that the winner of the event would play him in a 9-hole match. If, by some miracle, the Salem State player were to defeat Woods, Woods will give the Salem State student $1 million.  The more likely scenario, however, is that Woods will donate that money to a charity of his choosing.  While there has been no official word yet, Woods is expected to select the "Cheater-and-leave'er" charity for wives who have lost their husbands to unfortunate bouts with sexual addiction and cheap women.

Apparently, Woods is said to have selected this charity because in his reconnecting with Buddhism, this was the right thing to do for all those affected by poor husbands.

Since his admission, Woods has reached out to the community that is Salem State.  Not only will Woods fly the entire golf team out to Torrey Pines, but Woods intends to build the school a golf course that they can rename after him. This, Salem State student Niko Salone says, can only help his name with college students everywhere.

"Tiger is not only a gentleman and a scholar, but he's a cheater!" proclaims Salone. "He represents everything college kids stand for, and strive to be!"

I suppose that's the only way Tiger would have it, right?

A close friend of Woods' who wishes to remain anonymous says he's always been the courageous kind even as a young child.

"I remember Tiger when he was just about 7 years old. He was the lady's man then, and he's a lady's man now. The only difference is one was at the playground, and the other now is off the course," his friend remembered.

"Poor Tiger. Millions of men do it around the world and they get a slap on the wrist. Tiger does it and the world's about to end. What is with society today?"

Now Tiger will stand up for the youth, and try to regain his image through perseverance, honor, and a little bit of money. Sounds like the typical life of an addict on "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew" only minus the sobriety house offered at the end of the show. Oh, I only wonder what could be running through Woods' head right now.

(Tiger's Conscience: I wonder if Snooki from Jersey Shore is single?)