Rod Blagojevich is in Trouble....

Some months ago, my esteemed colleague Brendan Connolly published a piece that, as was its intention, made me fear for the apocalypse. The article was on scandalized former Republican House Majority Leader Tom DeLay's appearance on, of all things, ABC's "Dancing with the Stars." This was terrifying as an isolated incident, to be sure, and Brendan's Revelations-esque take on it seemed like delightful hyperbole at the time. This was until I heard news of to-be-tried former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich and his intention to appear on this next season of "Celebrity Apprentice." The incident, appallingly, has become a trend, and I'm starting to smell the brimstone behind Brendan's hyperbole.

For those who do not know, care or remember Blagojevich for anything but his funny name, he is the former Illinois governor who was caught up in scandal and impeached for allegedly negotiating to sell President Obama's vacated Senate seat "to the highest bidder." Saved publicly by Ted Kennedy's health and our nation's apparent inability to focus on more than one senatorial issue at a time, one would have thought old Rod would have been eager to embrace the absence of limelight. One would have been wrong.

I can't stress enough how disturbed I am with this trend. It honestly makes me think back to a simpler time when the only "celebrities" we had to complain about were the likes of Paris Hilton and similar train wrecks. Now it seems like federal indictments are handed out with endorsements in gift bags. What this means is that we have taken the synonymization of "celebrity" and "disgrace" to a whole other level, one where as long as someone has been seen rushing hurriedly into a courtroom, he or she possesses entertainment capital.
Just look at Rod: Before the scandal even struck, he was judged "America's Least Popular Governor" by the Rasmussen Reports, without a single participant in the poll rating him "excellent" and only four percent rating him as "good." His approval ratings were perpetually below 25 percent, less popular, at least in Illinois, than George W. Bush. Throw in his candid remark that he was "blacker" than the President whose seat he tried to sell, and the scandal which ended his career with a unanimous impeachment should have been the end of old Rod Blagojevich. He could have faded quietly into our obscure political-satire lexicon, with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert only occasionally throwing his mispronounced name out for some nostalgic chuckles. But old Rod wasn't having that.

Already, Rod's wife, Patti Blagojevich, has appeared as a contestant on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!," the place being passed up by both Rod (for reasons of not being able to leave the country) and his judge. Now he'll get a shot at being part of Donald Trump's empire, or at least, and most likely, a good chunk of cash for just showing up. Now we as humans and as Americans have an aversion to watching people get paid "just to show up," and it fuels both our outcry against a corrupt welfare system and our love-to-hate-them relationship with celebrities. It's why Paris Hilton is a household name. Sure, the sex tape caused her to blow up, but if she hadn't been Paris Hilton in the first place, nobody would have given a rat's ass.

I hate to defend these people who've had everything handed to them simply as a result of our national psychosis, but this new crop of corrupt-politician-celebrities have taken this to a new low. Sure, Paris didn't do anything (on purpose) to get the majority of her fame, but that's just it. She didn't do anything. Nothing illegal. She didn't "ask for this" per se. Blagojevich and DeLay got their "celebrity" wristbands by sheer thuggery. They gained the status by doing the very thing we hope doesn't become status quo among politicians, though we suspect it may just be the case.

In closing, I'd like to make a general appeal to all politicians, as well as to a few in particular. All of you, if your political career just isn't quite working out for you… if, say, you got knocked down from Second Least-Popular Governor to First by Blagojevich's departure, don't go his route. At best, this trend will be nothing more than a flash in the pan, and at worst it will lead to the breakdown of American culture and politics as we know them to be. Specifically, Bill Clinton, if you are considering making a late return to, say, pull off a Sax solo on "American Idol," spare us. Eliot Spitzer, if the urge grabs you to sign on for Showtime's "Secret Diary of a Call Girl," you stifle that thought. And John Edwards, don't think I'd forgotten about you. If you're pondering the jump into the Trump-Blagojevich hairfest, so help me God I will leave the country, and I don't think I'm alone. That goes for all of you.