I am Not a Musician: Thoughts from a Music Major

I live in a world inundated by music. When I was accepted into college, music was the subject I decided to commit to for the next four years. Its components I continuously have to understand, memorize and utilize. The more I learn, the more I notice the music, and even the sounds I hear on a regular basis, so I'm surrounded by it all the more. I notice its psychological and sociological impacts, and how those who create it have reacted to, or shifted, the course of history. I wish the semesters were twice as long, as it would give me more time to fully assimilate my new knowledge of how I see the world.

Throughout my life, I have met many people who say music is their life--that it's the only way they can endure living in this world, and that it's the only freedom they need to make them feel whole. I am not one of those people, and when I'm dealing with something in my life, I don't necessarily run to write down some lyrics. Songwriting is not my only outlet, and although music has become one of my greatest passions, it's still only one of my interests.

Recently, I learned that singer and songwriter Joni Mitchell also goes through phases with her art. She might only be able to paint for a few months, than switch to writing only music for a while. Before music made her a success, she was primarily a painter.

My first major form of self-expression in art was writing. I have many notebooks filled with lyrics and poems, and I've kept a journal since elementary school. In middle school, I began writing the lyrics that would soon be transformed into my first songs, bolstered by my introduction to the radio through my first stereo, and the purchase of my first guitar.

After my first year attending the Creation Music Festival in Pennsylvania, I was completely captivated by music. By high school, I thought I knew a good amount about it. I had no idea how wrong I was. These past two years, I've learned more about music than I could have imagined.

However, along the way, it has been a struggle to not fall into the pattern of college on autopilot. Instead, I have to simply focus on what's written next in my academic planner, and to simply complete the requirements that are set out for me by others. At the other end of the spectrum, it's just as easy to fall into obsession by hyper-focusing on my own efforts by having unrealistically high standards for my musicianship and feeling angry when they aren't achieved.

At times, I've simply become caught up in what my professors or peers think is the best path to take, and I've forgotten the true reason why I am getting an education, which is simple: It's completely up to me. I have the freedom to do what I believe is the most fulfilling option, and to reject the suggestions or opinions of others if I desire.