Best Seat on South Campus Removed

In a harsh and unpopular vote by school administrators, the popular bidet in the third floor of south campus's Academic Building will be removed.

The decision was made to combat the long lines that have developed to use the porcelain washroom fixture. "This is an outrage. I don't understand why the administrators couldn't just add more bidets to decrease wait time," said Seoul Lillihammer.

Administrators who voted to remove the bidet said the lines were more than just an inconvenience to the students. In their official statement, the administrators said that the amount of people in the hall was a constant fire hazard even when the line was short.
 

There were also complaints filed by professors and students, blaming the bidet line for being late to classes.

"I have three classes in the Academic Building during the week, and not a single one of them has begun on time this semester," said Junior Sydney Albertville. "Even when the professor is there on time, only about four of the twenty students in the class will be there. The rest will shuffle in every couple of minutes until the class has almost ended."

Despite these protests the majority of students and faculty polled wish the bidet hadn't been taken away and that the school would supply every bathroom with one.

School officials claim the addition of the bidet was because of a clerical error last semester and that adding more would be too much cost. "We don't have money to spend on toilet luxuries. What would students prefer: serious school related improvements or some French water-bum cleaner?" said budget committee member Roman Nagano. "Those who attended the Academic Building already proved that they could not handle one bidet. So why give them more?"

The student's protest to have the bidet reinstalled is to take place in the South Campus parking lot on April 1st at noon. Students who wish to attend are expected to bring their own bottomless chair and super-soaker.