Due to our need to fit in, and most likely extreme budget cuts, Salem State College has decided to cut food costs completely. Since New York is banning salt from restaurant and Massachusetts is New York’s annoying little brother/sister, Salem State College is taking the high road and has decided to cancel out food completely.
After Tiger Woods went public with his admission of infidelity nearly a month ago, the world never thought possible Woods could do anything ever again nearly as shocking. They were wrong. Beginning next fall, Woods will be sending the entire Salem State golf team to the illustrious Torrey Pines golf spectacle in California for a two-week exhibition tournament.
So you are reading this. You are actually taking the time to read this. What is your life right now? Have you eaten lunch yet? If not I suggest you do, because you’re looking pale and you have BIG bags under your eyes. There’s this movie coming out with Steve Carrell, and if you’re anything like me you find him bangin’.
Salem, Massachusetts, the city of witches and the things that go bump in the night, has somehow eluded the five-day storm that has been pounding the state harder than a session with Ron Jeremy. How is it that school is cancelled, businesses are closed and houses are wrecked by the unexpected flooding that our own Salem State College and town has had a protected seal more secure than Glad wrap? Is it magic or the fact that Salem is the new Noah’s Ark, ready for the big flood? Sadly only needing two of everyone will cause mass rejection and there is only so much room when the world gets wiped out, except Salem, of course.
After receiving numerous phone complaints, Police were called to the O’Keefe Center during the evening on Thursday, April 1st to investigate what residents of both Lussier Street and Day Avenue reported as “naked people running across the field” (Alumni Field).
Salem State Athletics decided to start the college’s first curling team, using funds that had gone to the Track and Field program to fund the new team. The team will be co-ed and start in Winter 2010. In an official statement, Salem State Athletics said, “Curling is a sport that better suits the student body.
In a harsh and unpopular vote by school administrators, the popular bidet in the third floor of south campus’s Academic Building will be removed. The decision was made to combat the long lines that have developed to use the porcelain washroom fixture.
So you women think you deserve a Women’s Heritage Month? Really? It’s not enough that we gave you Mother’s Day, Women’s Equality Day or International Women’s Day? My God, you even have a Woman’s History Month. What more do you people need? That special guy not giving you enough attention or is it just that time of the month? I know you’re upset Hillary didn’t make it into office, but let’s be honest here.
The United States, a place of freedom and the land of the brave, has a bald eagle representing us and the rose as our flower, but what about our country’s dance? From the twist to crunking, nothing has seemed to work, except now. President Obama has stated that the dance to represent America is and forever will be the fist pump.
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